I just wanted to take this time to write about my community group (CG) at church. These group of girls know my life, seen me ugly cry, seen me laugh so hard, and seen me when I’m one bad push away from bad decisions or even after I’ve made those bad decisions. Without their kindness, love, and encouragement, I would have lost it 10x over in PA School. They’re all so kind, genuine, and love me and Jesus loves us. They send me sweet text messages, encourage me, and listen to my confession.
I think a difficult trial in PA School that I’ve gone through is when I got a 73 on the first OBGYN test. LOL, literally barely passing the test and class..cool. I remember being so anxious about that class, laying awake in the middle at the night till 1 am until I break down into tears because it all seems impossible, and so I text my mom at 1:30 am and ask her if she’ll still love me if I failed the course and had to repeat or be dismissed from the program. Y’all, these are real emotions and real thoughts in my life. I’m trying to be authentic and transparent through this blog and not tell the world that PA School is all sunshines and butterflies, because it’s not.
But during this time, the girls were all so kind to me and loved me faithfully even when I was so nervous/stressed/unhappy on a daily basis. The day before our second OBGYN test, they all sent me verses to encourage me and prayed for me and believed in me, even when I didn’t. Two of the girls in my CG are also in my class. During tests, we have randomized seating. And of course, God being powerful and all, one of the girls sat right next to me while the other one sat right behind me. I felt so loved and protected and I wish I had the right words to describe that feeling. I wish I could share that feeling with you whenever you’re feeling scared, alone, hopeless, and forsaken, because I’ve definitely been there.
I really mean it when I say that I’m one bad push from losing it, but even if I fall, I know there’s three things that will happen:
- I’ll be okay even with the bumps and bruises from the fall because God has provided for me in ways more than I could ever hope for and will continue to.
- My CG will be down there to catch me and bring me back up
- I am loved. We all mess up, just in different ways and different times. But it’s okay because we’re also forgiven and we’re loved.